2011 was a year like no other for me. As December drew to a close, I counted down the days to its end and this was not because the year had exhausted me - the year had filled me with expectation and anticipation. And impatience.
It was when I learned a lot - about myself and everything around me. It was also the year when I unlearned everything I’ve known. I learned what I don’t want and thus unlearned what I thought I wanted and learned anew what I really wanted. I unlearned my ideas of love, of being in a relationship and learned to allow myself to go back to the beginning and start with a clean plate. I unlearned my idea of what work should be, learned to differentiate work from a job and learned to do what I love. Over and over again with a passion I hadn’t tapped into.
2011 was the year of ideas.
The last days of 2011 saw me driving into the sunset and then Calicut to attend my closest friend’s Big Fat Indian Wedding. Surprisingly (and this I realize only in retrospect) it also served as my moment of healing.
Through 2011 I struggled with the ideas of who I am vs want to be, questioned some unfounded fears, dealt with some very real vulnerabilities and put to the test my confidence and courage. Trust me, it doesn’t do much good to your inflated sense of self.
This road trip - an adventure in itself, being with people who showered love and affection unconditionally and endlessly was also my epiphany. And there lay the healing. I’m ok, I’m loved, I have these wonderful people around me and none of my fears are real. I’m healed and I’m a better person for that.
2011 was the year of growing up.
2012 is the year of endless possibilities.
There’s an impatience to play this game well in the year ahead. Optimism, happiness and a calm I’ve not known in years have magically gripped me on the first day of the year (I could still be disoriented and hungover from the 10+ hours of driving).
2012 is when I - growed up me- optimistically, happily and calmly deal with the real world armed with a truckload of ideas. Foggy ideas, good ideas, bad ideas - I’ll find out.